Ahoj everyone,
I was going to start by asking your opinions on what I should do and then I realised something. I already know what I'm going to do and anything else is just deferring a dreadful situation. Is that actually a sign of being an adult I wonder?
Mamma Chez had a full body scan that revealed the cancer in her lungs is the major, the main cancer, but there are also metz in her pancreas, spleen and liver and the oncologist has given her until the end of the year if she is lucky. Yes, I am absolutely devastated about this but, whilst telling me this over Skype, Mamma Chez, Grandy Eric and mum are all wreathed in cigarette smoke then I think my reaction was justified. I hung up.
I am going to refuse point blank to sacrifice my education for someone who does not want to help herself. If I return to the UK now I would not get a place in a decent university and could certainly not participate in the fantastic physics exchange programme that I am currently enrolled in. In a nutshell I would be relegated to stacking shelves in Asda - just as they always wanted me to do.
Nanna once gave me her opinion on living for families and she told me don't do it. Live for me. Or even her if necessary as she was (as you all know) held back for so much of her life.
Kirsten isn't going to speak to me again until I return home. Apparently Dan is not well either and I do feel awful for not wanting to go back and help but I'm not going to waste this opportunity. I have a feeling Nanna would hit me upside my head if I did that. She fought so hard all those years so I feel the least I can do now is fight equally hard for what I want.
Uncle Terry and Uncle Matt are both firmly on my side. They told me to stay here, enjoy myself and above all else, learn.
Now comes the hard part. Telephoning mum and talking one on one to her.
Wish me luck.
Dovidenia
Demi
xoxox
"Daddy It Hurts"
--Daddy It Hurts--
My name is Chris I am three,
My eyes are swollen I cannot see,
I must be stupid I must be bad,
What else could have made My daddy so mad?
I wish I were better I wish I weren't ugly,
Then maybe my mommy Would still want to hug me.
I cant do a wrong I cant speak at all
Or else I'm locked up All day long.
When I'm awake I'm all alone The house is dark
My folks aren't home When my mommy does come home I'll try and be nice,
So maybe ill just get One whipping tonight.
I just heard a car My daddy is back From Charlies bar
I hear him curse My name is called I press myself Against the wall I try to hide From his evil eyes I'm so afraid now I'm starting to cry
He finds me weeping Calls me ugly words,
He says its my fault He suffers at work
He slaps and hits me And yells at me more,
I finally get free And run to the door
He's already locked it And I start to bawl,
He takes me and throws me Against the hard wall I fall to the floor With my bones nearly broken,
And my daddy continues With more bad words spoken,
"I'm sorry!", I scream But its now much to late
His face has been twisted Into a unimaginable shape
The hurt and the pain Again and again
O please God, have mercy!
O please let it end!
And he finally stops
And heads for the door
While I lay there motionless Sprawled on the floor
My name is Chris I am three,
Tonight my daddy Murdered me
And you can help Sickens me to the soul,
And if you read this and don't pass it on
I pray for your forgiveness
Because you would have to be One heartless person
To not be affected By this Poem
And because YOU ARE affected,
Do something about it! So all I ask you to do Is pass this on!
IF YOU ARE AGAINST CHILD ABUSE! PLEASE COPY AND PASTE THIS AND PASS IT ON !!
RE-POST THIS AS
"Daddy it Hurts''
November 22nd 2007
True Story
I have just realised it is 132 days today since I stopped smoking!
I reckon I deserve a treat and a pat on the back. I used to love smoking, I never disliked the smell and always said that when my surgeries were done I would start again, but, I'm not going to. After three days of breathing oxygen through a plastic tube I was most disturbed by the fact that my first visitors who came reeked of stale cigarettes and made me feel so sick! I was actually backing away from them as they reached over to kiss me. However, I promise that I wont turn into one of the holier than thou ex smokers though. Just because I now dislike it, it doesn't give me the right to preach to my family and friends. I hated it when people used to nag me. I am a grown up woman and perfectly capable of making my own decisions be they bad or good ones. I do not need nannying, thank you very much!
Nvember 9th 2001
I saw the following earlier and had to smile. My eldest son and his girlfriend are flying to Slovakia next weekend and both are nervous passengers!
Heard on a Southwest Airline flight. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing and if you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."
Hell Has Frozen Over
This is just too funny and I absolutely had to share it. I'm not all about the religion talk , but it's an absolute must read .
The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well. Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following: First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities: 1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. 2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, " it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore extinct. . . leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"
Wisdom
GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibre, not the toy.
GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptise cats.
2) When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Nana's lap.
9 comments:
You can still support them even if you aren't physically there. Notes, phone calls, email, send a little something now and then that you think will brighten their days. Being away is hard, just went through it myself.
Kirsten is young and, probably, dramatic. You can explain to her, but you shouldn't defer to her. I'm sorry that Dan is not feeling well, but one can't rush across continents every time someone feels ill. In explaining to all, you can acknowledge that you are pulled in different directions, but ultimately you have to choose one and you are choosing the one that would make your Nana most proud. By the way, you are absolutely right - Dozy would smack you upside your head if you made any decision other than the one you have made. And if she didn't, I would.
I agree with both on this.
Yeup I agree with them all up there..
Totally agree & I'm sure your Nana would too.
I am so sorry for the pain this is causing everyone, Demi. It's hard when life throws these things at you and the ones you love but over all there really aren't any decisions to made...or, those decisions already have been made, I suppose I should say [i.e. wreathed in smoke]. I'm sorry to hear about Dan but there again your returning isn't going to change that either, it will only make two people feel badly; you and him. Stay where you are and do what you are meant to do. Stay in touch with those who will respond with any equanimity for now and know that eventually most of your family will come around. Those that don't will never understand and they are only looking for excuses to flaunt dissatisfaction at their own shortcomings and frustrations. You have been blessed with an acute brain. Use it. Revel in it. And for now (((hugs)))
I agree with everyone...and with what you said about your Nanna... you have to live your life for you and no one else. You can still show support, but it's not your responsibility to drop an opportunity of a lifetime to run to do, well, nothing. If they can't understand, that's on them. Listen to Uncle Terry and Uncle Matt, and that little voice inside your head. That little voice is never wrong. **hugs**
Ya know, when Mom was diagnosed with bone cancer, the gave her 6 months... She fought for 2 years. You have to live your life your way, not how people think you should live it.
caddy is so right. My mom fought tooth and nail with lung she held out hope for seeing my sister graduate and didn't even make a year and she did all the treatments. In reality there is little you can do about the situation. Truthfully unless you feel compelled to go home then .. well you follow your heart and your dreams and make sure your family always knows you love them because you could be at school and an accident could happen. (((hugs))) you
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