Monday, 31 December 2007

A Very Many Happies for 2008


So 2007 is nearly gone and I'm reflecting back on it. Was it a good year for you? It was a hell of a good year for me! I had two ribs removed to make bone grafts for my hip replacements. I had 2 new hips and three new knees, MRSA and cellulitis.


I sent back the despised wheelchair and have had two zimmers (the 2008 model works very well thank you) lol:-D


I seem to have spent more time in hospital this year than anywhere else and I am so grateful for all the help and support of the staff at Chesterfield Royal Hospital, without them I would still be vegetating in front of the telly unable to move. I know that next year I have another large surgery looming but at the moment I am grateful to be up and about for the first time in over 6 years.


I became computer literate (well nearly), I got this confounded machine in March, it took me four days to work out how to open the lid to turn the silly thing on! I wouldn't be without it now though. All my friends are in here and I don't think I could go back to the silent, monastic, lonely life I had before. It would drive me totally round the bend.


Everyone has noticed how I have altered since I started to communicate through it. Have I met some special people this year via my lappy - you betcha bottom dollar I have. I am going to mention a few, in no particular order so please don't be hurt or feel neglected as, amazingly I have got loads of friends out there in Cyberspace!


I wouldn't have made friends with Sir Chicksalot, who has my vote for being the most intelligent man on either Multiply or Yahoo. His words of encouragement following my operations helped me so much, and I always have a smile on my face when I pay his page a visit. The Nigel Diaries should be in print - I have told him this on many occasions, and his latest Thinking Back series was a moving insight into a world most of you are too young to remember.


Mr Mad is another of my favourite people, his adventures with Mr Tiddleywinkles leave me in hysterics most of the time, he too ought to be communicating with publishers, as his secret bloggy thing is way better than the Mr Bean Diary which was released a few years ago here in the UK!


Balavan - this lady is flippin' awesome! If you aren't reading Sh'mai, why the heck not? It is brilliant and I can't wait to get my daily fix! Penny, I've said it before and I will say it again - get chasing those publishers up!


There are other people who I try to make a point of talking to nearly every week, Bertie, Destiny Camel, The Boho Hobo, Loubie Lou, Larry Luggage, Kee, Cute1Lori, Fire and Ice, Stargazer Richard, to name but a few. You may not realise it but you have all enriched my life so much and from the depths of my heart I thank you all. I may not get to write to everyone every day but I do think of you all, and I sneak onto your pages for a little read. I sometimes am struggling with the pain in my neck and shoulders which is why I don't leave a comment, yes genius needs encouraging and I try to reply to blogs, but anything else is sometimes too hard for me, and I know you all understand this.


I'm now going to mention a friend who most of you will never have heard of before. Karen, on Yahoo she was known as Zevvie1. She died on 7th July this year of metastasized Breast Cancer.It went into her brain and she suffered so much, but never complained. When she died she had gone blind, and was partially paralysed but was so cheerful every time we spoke on the phone. How much I have regretted that my operations came too late for me to go and see her, she would have loved to see me up and on my feet again. We were both diagnosed the same week with Breast Cancer and had our operations the same day, went through chemo together and that made us closer than any siblings.


I have missed her so much and her sons came to see me today which I thought was very kind of them. I will be raising a glass to her at midnight - if she was here she would be raising the bottle and not just the glass! lol:-D


When you're having a really bad day and it seems like people are trying to piss you off, remember it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 4 to extend your finger and tell them to fuck off.


Remember though do not drink and drive. Ever!


Zero alcohol if you are getting at the back of a steering wheel. An example of what could happen is here. It is graphic and awful, but, it is usually someone who is innocent who suffers at the hands of drink drivers! Not that I think any of my friends would drink and drive, but someone may just fall on this and it could make them think on what they had planned to do!


http://www.lenet3000.com/saburido/index.html


Right enough of this reflecting lark, it's a bit too morbid and that is not what I want to remember this year for.


Think of a number.


Multiply it by 3. Now add 5.


Take away the number you first thought of.


Now add 7.


Subtract 2.


Add back the number you first thought of.


Now, close your eyes.



Dark, isn't it?


For any of you who haven't had a look through my video clips, here is Mummy Woodentop, my lads reckon I was walking like her before that nut tried to off me!


Reasons not to exercise


It is well documented that for every minute that you exercise, you add one minute to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 per month.


My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. Now she's 97 years old and we don't know where she is.


The only reason I would take up exercising is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.


I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.


I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.


I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.


I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.


The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.


If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.


And last but not least:


I don't exercise because it makes the ice jump right out of my glass.



So 2008 is knocking at the door, let it in joyfully. Have a wonderful year. Don't do anything you don't want to do - you are a grown up now and perfectly capable of making up your own mind!


Try and make someone smile everyday - I do and it makes me smile back!


I hope you all have a happy and healthy year and that we will be back here this time next year. I love you all a lot,


Kerena xxx

Posted by dozyllama

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"Daddy It Hurts"

--Daddy It Hurts--
My name is Chris I am three,
My eyes are swollen I cannot see,
I must be stupid I must be bad,
What else could have made My daddy so mad?
I wish I were better I wish I weren't ugly,
Then maybe my mommy Would still want to hug me.
I cant do a wrong I cant speak at all
Or else I'm locked up All day long.
When I'm awake I'm all alone The house is dark
My folks aren't home When my mommy does come home I'll try and be nice,
So maybe ill just get One whipping tonight.
I just heard a car My daddy is back From Charlies bar
I hear him curse My name is called I press myself Against the wall I try to hide From his evil eyes I'm so afraid now I'm starting to cry
He finds me weeping Calls me ugly words,
He says its my fault He suffers at work
He slaps and hits me And yells at me more,
I finally get free And run to the door
He's already locked it And I start to bawl,
He takes me and throws me Against the hard wall I fall to the floor With my bones nearly broken,
And my daddy continues With more bad words spoken,
"I'm sorry!", I scream But its now much to late
His face has been twisted Into a unimaginable shape
The hurt and the pain Again and again
O please God, have mercy!
O please let it end!
And he finally stops
And heads for the door
While I lay there motionless Sprawled on the floor
My name is Chris I am three,
Tonight my daddy Murdered me
And you can help Sickens me to the soul,
And if you read this and don't pass it on
I pray for your forgiveness
Because you would have to be One heartless person
To not be affected By this Poem
And because YOU ARE affected,
Do something about it! So all I ask you to do Is pass this on!

IF YOU ARE AGAINST CHILD ABUSE! PLEASE COPY AND PASTE THIS AND PASS IT ON !!
RE-POST THIS AS

"Daddy it Hurts''
November 22nd 2007

Getting Ready for Fat Chris!

True Story

I have just realised it is 132 days today since I stopped smoking!

I reckon I deserve a treat and a pat on the back. I used to love smoking, I never disliked the smell and always said that when my surgeries were done I would start again, but, I'm not going to. After three days of breathing oxygen through a plastic tube I was most disturbed by the fact that my first visitors who came reeked of stale cigarettes and made me feel so sick! I was actually backing away from them as they reached over to kiss me. However, I promise that I wont turn into one of the holier than thou ex smokers though. Just because I now dislike it, it doesn't give me the right to preach to my family and friends. I hated it when people used to nag me. I am a grown up woman and perfectly capable of making my own decisions be they bad or good ones. I do not need nannying, thank you very much!

Nvember 9th 2001

I saw the following earlier and had to smile. My eldest son and his girlfriend are flying to Slovakia next weekend and both are nervous passengers!

Heard on a Southwest Airline flight. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing and if you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."

Hell Has Frozen Over

This is just too funny and I absolutely had to share it. I'm not all about the religion talk , but it's an absolute must read .
The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well. Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following: First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities: 1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. 2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, " it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore extinct. . . leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"

Wisdom

GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibre, not the toy.


GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptise cats.
2) When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Nana's lap.